Letting Go

Healing--Letting Go
God is constantly speaking to us every sec of every day. For some of us, we realise it almost immediately when God is speaking, and for others, it requires us to set ourselves aside and away from all the distractions before we can hear what God has to say. For me it was the latter.

I’m almost always caught in many distractions at a time that I tend to neglect my own personal time with God. Sometimes it takes God himself to intervene in my distraction- filled schedule, so that I could have some alone time with him. The biggest intervention of all times was him taking me to Kalgoorlie. Now that I’m away from everything, he is able to finally have a heart to heart talk with me, without me being distracted by anything else. Personally, I do not enjoy myself being drag all the way to Kal for God to make a point, but seeing as to how stubborn and hard headed I am, I guess God didn’t had much of a choice either. There are many things in me that he wanted to deal with.

Honestly, I expected things to fall out differently. I didn’t expect however, that God had a different approach in handling the issues in me. Before he even begun anything, he jump straight to the issue of healing. Healing me on the inside first, so that he could lay down a strong foundation in my heart, for the works that are to come over time.

But healing can’t take place until I acknowledge these areas and am willing to let myself be healed, or in other words, to let go of the things I held so defensively. Have any of you heard of the story about a monkey and the vase? I have a modified version of that story that was revealed to me by God during my quiet time.

At the start of the story, there was this young lady who had accidentally dropped her ring into a vase. Unknown to her however, was that the vase was an expensive piece of art........more valuable than her miserly ring that had fell into the vase. Instinctively, the young lady then stuck her hand into the vase to try and reclaim her ring. After a couple of seconds, she finally found her ring and held it tightly. However, though she had found a ring, her hand was now stuck in the vase. And because she couldn’t bring herself to let go of that ring, her hand remain stuck in the vase.

Now, the method to free her hand from the vase was simple. Simply by letting go of her ring, she would be able to then unclenched her fist, and slip her hands out of the vase. The other method however, requires her to smash that expensive vase in order to free her hand, but this method will not only end up with her cutting herself, but also placing her in a huge debt for breaking such an expensive vase. She failed to see the bigger picture of the puzzle. All she could think of was the ring. And she would have to continue living the rest of her life with her hand stuck in the vase, and carrying that burden where ever she goes.

Now, what would God do, if one of his beloved children were to be in the exact same situation above? Certainly he would have broken the vase (if the child refused to let go) to free the child, rather than to have them live an entire life carrying such a heavy burden. But the story doesn’t end here. If the vase was broken and the hands were freed, what happen then if the freed hand was still holding onto the ring like a clenched fist?

Surely as you all would know by now, that if your hands were in a fist shape, you are not capable of doing anything. God certainly can’t use you either, if your hands were a fist. The solution then, is to unclenched that fist, and learn to let go. Let go of your past, of your hurts, or your doubts, or your insecurity, of your fears........let go of it. The step to letting go is to trust God with that ring.

Now as I hold my unclenched fist here before you, I will briefly demonstrate to you what God can do with an open hand like these. These hands can be a hand of encouragement, of healing, of building up another person, of love, or worship, of service, of servant hood, of obedience, of grace, of acceptance, of friendship, of help, of support, of strength of happiness.........of many things. But all this can’t and will not happen, until we learn to submit, and surrender to God everything, not just partially, everything. Letting go of 1 finger will not help, neither 2 or 3 or 4, it requires you to unclench your entire fist to be able for God to not only free you, but to enable him to heal and work in you as well.

How do I fit into this story then? How did God reveal this to me? I was very much alike the young girl from the story. There are things that I have held unto so tightly in my life that I have refused to let go, even when it is hurting me. These things I refuse to let go, were my past, my hurts and my pride. Not only did I not want to let go, I refuse to confront this issues and refuse to let people come anywhere near them. Like a fist, I held it so securely and firmly, that no one can see or know what it is, and everyone will be threaten just by the sight of the fist, that why will not come anywhere near it.

Hence, I was dragged to Kal by God so that he can begin his first step as raising me to be a man of God----Healing! The process was undeniably painful. It stung me emotionally and spiritually. But when God begins a work, he also sees to it that it is finished to the end. One by one, he drew out the past and the hurts.

The first was my overwhelming incapability as a person and the fear in me to rise up against my adversities. I was devastated by the condition that I had to live with for the next 1.5-2 yrs here in Kal. I doubted that I would ever pull through this season of my life. I broke down before him and ask why he had me put through this and why I had to go through all this misery.

The second was about how am unable to find a guide out of my miserable life. Before, I had you guys supporting me. When I was wrong, you were there to correct me. When I fell, you were they to life me up. And when I was weak, you were they to support me. But now, all of you aren’t here anymore. Who was there to guide me now? I was overwhelmed with feelings for you guys, and I missed all of you tremendously here. This was my fear of loneliness.

The third was about my future. I thought about whether I could even make it out with a degree. I’m not exactly a bright student, and studying was never my forte, worst still, I’m a lazy person. If I do not make it in this course, I’m done for, I’ve not only wasted my parents money, I’ve also robbed the opportunity of my siblings to further their studies. And if I do graduate, I face the possibility of death every day. How can I go on leaving in fear like that? I was afraid of my future.

The fourth time was the one that ultimately stung the most. God brought up the issues between me and my parents. It is the deepest and ugliest scar that resides in me. It is a long story to tell you from square 1 how things when between my parents and I. They have said and done many things to me in the past, and over the years I had build up such deep hatred for them. In the beginning, I hated them, and I too became a source of pain to them. But the real problem does not lie here. For over my time here in Perth with you guys and with God, I’ve come to forgive them of what they did before. I have already reconciled with them. God has brought back many memories of incidents where they had demonstrated their love for me which overrides all other events. The real issue that God made me realized however was, though I had forgiven them and reconciled with them, I have never forgiven myself. And till that day, I hated myself, I despised myself I condemned myself for what I have done to them in the past and in the present. As I cried like an idiot, I asked myself over and over again, “Do I deserve to be called your son? Do I deserve all this that you’ve given me? Do I deserve your love? How dare I call myself your son? I have done nothing to make you proud and I all I have done so far was disappointments, failures, destruction and pain.” Indeed, all I ever did was hurt them. And because of this hatred for myself, I unconsciously restricted myself from becoming all that God wants me to be. Leadership, nah, I will only fail you guys and do more damage than good. Responsibilities, nah, I will disappoint you, so go find someone else who can do a better job than I can. You can see the trend here. I will continue to reject and turn away from what God wants me to do, because I have totally no faith in him and his providence as I’m clouded by own hatred for myself.

So what about the rest of you? what is it that your keeping so deep inside you? What are the things in your life that you refuse to confront and deal with. God can definitely free you from the chains of bondage just like he freed the lady from the vase, but he cannot work in you unless you let him in by unclenching your fist.